For specific topics click the appropriate label (above).
Search This Blog
Monday, 29 February 2016
Roads not a velodrome. Daily Mash.
Roads not a velodrome
BRITAIN’S roads are not a specialist cycle racing facility, it has been confirmed.
The country’s highways are currently being defiled by large groups of emotionless people with huge waxed legs to stage weekend cycle competitions on the country’s highways.
However officials have confirmed that roads are really designed for travel rather than amateur sporting events involving large clusters of wobbly people.
A government spokesman said: “Since Roman times, roads have been principally for the transportation of people and goods from point A to point B, rather than for buggering about on.
“Cycling is fine if you’re going on a legitimate journey, but if you’re just pointlessly ‘testing yourself’ against a group of similarly bored accountants it would be really good to keep that to a designated facility.
“You know those oval-shaped tracks you see on the Olympics, the ones that are designed for, and used exclusively for, bike racing? Well, you can book one for an hourly rate, it’s quite affordable if everyone in a group chips in.”
Car driver Emma Bradford said: “I find cycle race people rather hard to like, except the fat one who’s miles behind all the others, I feel sorry for him and admire his tenacity.”
Motor engineer by trade, served 32 years in London Police. Class 1 advance police driver & motorcyclist. A keen cyclist still cycling at 75. Have dealt with accidents. Have prosecuted them. Have compiled and provided accident stats. Abstract road accident reports to the legal profession. Three Commissioner's Commendations (One on the instigation of the Governor of the Bank of England) Royal Humane Society Award for resuscitation in life threatening circumstances and a member of MENSA. Had two businesses. Very involved in local affairs in London. Ran a London boxing club and rose to the National ABA Council and England team manager. Founder of a London Borough Sports Council. Very involved in charity fundraising. Moved to Lincolnshire 1994. Founded an indoor short mat bowling club in Sutton on Sea. Currently the East Midlands Coordinator of the Alliance of British Drivers and now the founder of Driver's Protest Union. www.driversunion.co